Running from Conflict

If you’ve been a part of Gateway for a while you will probably have heard John talk about being a peace breaker, peace faker or a peace maker. 

Those that know me well will know that I have a tendency towards being a peace faker. I dislike conflict so much it’s unreal!

Take the other day for example. After being woken up the day before at 4.30am by some teenagers in the tent next to mine (we were on a youth weekend) I thought I’d have my revenge the next morning by waking them up with a megaphone. “Ladies and gentlemen…I have a very important announcement to make…IT’S MORNING!” I yelled. I then proceeded to wander round our groups of tents giving the same wake up call. This was about 7.45am on a Sunday on a scout camp where we were staying.

Being quite tired, and probably overexcited about getting to wake people up with a megaphone, I didn’t really stop to think about the two other groups of scouts sleeping just through the trees next to our tents.

Apparently… they heard it too.

As I wandered back across the field to the dining area with a smug grin on my face I saw a bleary-eyed, middle-aged lady scout leader marching towards a group of our leaders. She was shouting and yelling about being woken up by a megaphone on a Sunday morning and generally didn’t look too happy. 

And what was my first instinct…RUN!

I had that feeling that’s similar to when someone kicks you in the stomach, and I literally had to fight the urge to run back towards the tent rather than face this conflict. I ploughed on and she’d pretty much gone off by the time I got across the field so our camp organiser Linda took a verbal assault on my behalf. Seemed she wasn’t up for a fight she just wanted to yell at someone.

I felt terrible that someone else had taken a volley of abuse for my act-before-thinking performance on the megaphone. But I felt even more terrible at the fact that I’d very nearly run a mile and left someone else to get shouted at.

Why is it that I’m so scared of conflict? I’d quite like to change it, but I’m not sure where to start.